Friday, December 5, 2008

Follow my butt.

Sorry about the title. I just took the three most commonly used words from the following post and strung them together to synthesize a functional heading.

So did you know Blogger has figured out a way for you to follow yourself? Pretty amazing, huh? Of course I'm a little nervous having me following because I know how I think and I'm not always mentally polite. Good thing I know I'm not gay because now I don't have to worry about me looking at my butt. 'Butt' who am I kidding. Me and I both know that I don't have any butt to speak of. Maybe as I'm following myself I could call out helpful advice regarding my gluteal posture.

"Step harder with the heel, Ray, makes the cheeks squarer."

"Like this?"

"No, not like that, now your pants look like a deflated balloon."

"Like this?"

"Oh yeah... that's sexy."

"Thanks, dog."

33 comments:

Tracey said...

I'll try not to stare at your butt too much while I'm following you. Besides, Mrs. V looks like she could kick a girl's a** if she took a mind to doing it.

bunnyjo georg said...

Ugh, I can't talk about your butt. I just can't.

Elizabeth said...

You know long ago on a blog far far away I posted a letter to my own butt. So I can't really think of you as too weird. Darn.

and anyways, what's wrong with gay?

Vivi Alden said...

Okay, I, on the other hand, have plenty of butt. If you suffer from non-butt, I will gladly donate some of mine (and I mean that in the most sincere, non perverted way. I also have some spare flabby arm if you need some of that, too).

Mary Paddock said...

There is just no safe way to respond to this. :)

Bryan B. said...

Sometimes, my day is just going great. And then something happens and the whole world starts spinning. That ever happen to you?


(As a proponent of using words such as whack and sucka - dogg should always have two g's. Because it's that gangsta.)

Big Plain V said...

Tracey - She totally is. She's a former super-hero. I've signed a non-disclosure, otherwise I'd tell you about her superpowers, but trust me, you do NOT want her to open that can.

Bunny - You have anti-permission to talk about my butt anyway, so...

Elizabeth - Now I'm wondering if your butt ever responded, and how.

Vivi - There's no way to respond to your comment without getting myself into trouble, and as I told Tracey, opening that can would be bad.

Mary - I know. That's the problem with following myself -- I never know what to say to myself.

Bryan - Sorry about the mis-spelling -- we still cool ,dogg?

Carrie Harris said...

Deflated balloon pants? Are you talking about the ones that MC Hammer used to wear?

HUBBYMAN said...

WHEN THE RUSTIC REBEL USED TO LEAD THE GIRL SCOUTS ON 160KM BACK-PACK HIKES, HE HAD A BUTTON ON HIS BACK-PACK THAT SAID "DON'T FOLLOW ME, I'M LOST."

IF I HAD TO FOLLOW MY BUTT, I'D NOT ONLY BE LOST, BUT I'D GET WHIP-LASH, TOO (FROM THE PENGUIN WADDLE)!! (YES, I SAID PENGUIN!!)

After The Blackbird Sings said...

If you are following your butt, then should we assume you're walking backwards?

Big Plain V said...

Carrie - You got it. Unfortunately all my pants fit like that.

Fritz - Don't say 'penguin' too loud on my blog, kay? I'm afraid of what will happen.

Blackbird - Yeah, I'm not sure how that works from a physics standpoint. I think I'm turning in a really tight, really fast circle. So fast that you can't see it happen with an unaided eye.

keri mikulski :) said...

:) Interesting. I'm trying to picture this.

After The Blackbird Sings said...

Left or right?

After The Blackbird Sings said...

And there is no Jedi Ninja Homeboy on your blogroll. You made him up.

bunnyjo georg said...

I was going to message you on facebook but then I found out i had to do this verification thing to sign up and then use my real name and I'm so attached to bunnyjo georg and then there's the whole do-i-wanna-go-down-that-road issue and then there's the thing about me always being so anti-band-wagon-ish and then I saw this article that said people who facebook are 12% more likely to gain weight over a 5-year period and I added it all up and said, is it worth it? I'm still mulling that over. So many factors to consider.

Big Plain V said...

Keri - I appreciate the effort. Let me know if you get anything figured out.

Blackbird - Doesn't it bother you that my issues are so meaningless?

Bunny - Don't bother on my account. FB was fun for like a week. Now.... meh.

After The Blackbird Sings said...

Kinda like life... Oops, is that too depressing and dishonest?

Big Plain V said...

Yeah. I don't allow none of that up in here.

DebraLSchubert said...

Wow - this topic has caused quite a stir! Pardon the pun, but I don't want to look like an a** so I'll keep this simple. If I followed mine around, I'd be spinning around in more circles than usual. And, who needs that?

Amy Ellis said...

I think the Blogger should call us stalkers instead of followers. Followers sounds like we're drinking the Kool-Aid. Stalkers at least has some interesting drama to it.

Then again, stalking your own butt sounds even more disturbed than following it.

cindy said...

mmmmm kinky--can i follow your butt?

Pink Ink said...

I am not sure I can top anyone else's comments here, but...

...butter late than never.

Pink Ink said...

Ray, are you ever going to tell your fans who your agent is? :-)

- a curious follower

After The Blackbird Sings said...

Dude, I went and insulted ninjas...

shortensweet said...

What the hell

ick

Big Plain V said...

Debra - I know, and then you've got people getting sick and puking all over and then slipping in it and when everybody gets back up and brushes themselves off it's all confusion because nobody remembers who was following who and it's all one big mess and it's all Blogger's fault.

Pink - BUTTER? 'Butter' late than never? I missed it at first, but when I figured it out, I got a good laugh. Hey, were you there when Vivi called herself 'Fatty McButterpants'? Freaking hysterical.

Anyway, I'm still weird about my agent. He's reading my revisions now, but when I talk to him again, I'll try to remember to ask him if I'm allowed to 'reveal'.

Blackbird - You have no idea the storm you've wrought. Knowing Bryan, this will quite likely result in the end of the universe as we know it.

Big Plain V said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Big Plain V said...

Oh, Shorty, you likewise have anti-permission to follow my butt.

Amy - 'Butt-stalkers' sounds like really, really, REALLY bad porno.

Cindy - You are so dang awesome, you know that? *EVERYBODY ELSE COVER YOUR EYES* XXX XXXXX XX XX X XXX XXXXXXXX XX XXXXXX XX XXXX X XXXXX XX XXX XXXX XXXXXXXX. (secret code only me and Cindy know)

shortensweet said...

Update your blog I'm tired of looking at 'follow my butt'

Sarah J Clark said...

Followed you over via Vivi and her sister (who knew!?), and from my angle in cyberland, your butt looks fine. Just don't stand next to my husband. He's SUPER fine. LOL

Big Plain V said...

Shorty - My next blog post will be the best blog post in the history of the interweb. You won't want to miss that.

Sarah - Howdy. What I'm gonna need is some sort of itinerary listing all the places your husband plans on standing so that I can be sure to avoid them.

Serena Woods said...

Are butts supposed to be square? I don't have a good mental picture....

s

HUBBYMAN said...

VERY PUNNING, PINK! YOU BEAT ME TO IT. I WAS THINKING OF ADDING SOME MORE PUNS - BUT I THINK I SHOULD BACK OUT OF THIS NOW.