Monday, December 1, 2008

The Anatomy of a Hiccup

And I wish I had something interesting to back that up. I just thought it would be a good title. Of course, I do have hiccups -- had them since early yesterday afternoon. How fun is that? I didn't even freaking know you could have freaking hiccups that last throughout the freaking night. When I opened my eyes this morning, I was like, "Are they gone?............................urp."

So life stinks. Not sure how productive I'll be today cuz this is really, REALLY annoying. I apologize to my non-biscuit friends if this puts me behind schedule (and I apoligize doubly if 'biscuit' is a secret code-word that should not be used in public places like blogs).

And you know, I can't imagine going to work like this. "Hey, this is Ray, um.... yeah, I'm not gonna make it in today -- I have the hiccups."

Of course, for those of you who don't know, I work in surgery. I put my hands inside of people's cut-open bodies. Somehow hiccups seem like they would be in really bad form, professionally speaking. I can only imagine one worse possible occupation for a person with chronic hiccups -- bomb-defuser.

Thanks to Shorty, Vee and Hubby, who tried to help me with home remedies last night. After sticking my fingers in my nose and ears, ingesting everything from sugar to apple pucker, lying on my face and back, and drinking six or seven glasses of water, I feel like there's nothing I haven't tried. But I do appreciate the suggestions. (side note: were they just trying to get me to do a bunch of stupid things so they could laugh about me when I left?)

Still open to suggestions.

25 comments:

Carrie Harris said...

Feel free to shout the virtues of non-biscuitness to the hills. ;)

The hiccup remedy that works best for me is to lie down and have someone rub my temples. At least if it doesn't work, you've had a nice temple rub.

After The Blackbird Sings said...

You probably ruptured your esophagus or something. Time to work on your self-surgery.

I don't know where I fall on biscuit or non-biscuit, but if I had my druthers, I'd defend the goal from biscuits.

keri mikulski :) said...

I think, don't quote me on this one, your doctor can describe a pill to relax the diaphragm if they go on too long. That sucks.. Hope they go away soon.

Vivi Alden said...

BOO!!!!

(still got 'em?)

Okay, BPV, you need to laugh. Like, seriously laugh. Hysterics. That always works for me. I'm sorry to say I have nothing hilarious to offer, but perhaps youtube can help. Or, google old "yo mama" jokes. Those always crack me up.

Or you could try Gripe Water. It's actually for babies, but it works really well. You can find it at health food stores, Whole Foods, etc. And hey, if you have them long enough you can go on the Today Show like that one girl who had them for three months straight.

Big Plain V said...

Carrie - Yeah... temple-rub... sounds soothing. Course I'm home alone. Think I could get my dog to do it?

Blackbird - Good heavens, my esophagus, you say? My good man, do you have any idea the amount of surgery that would require? I'd need a sternal saw and everything!

Keri - Thorazine. They give you Thorazine. But not until after you've had them for twenty-four hours. Believe me, we've looked into it already.

Vivi - Holy crap you scared the bee-jeezus out of me... please warn me before you type 'boo' next time.

But you know, you're advice was actually helpful. I actually got up and got my favoritist funny movie of all time, 'Bruce Almighty'. The anchor desk scene has no comedic parallel in all of cinematic history.

"The prime minister of Sweden visited Washington today and my tiny little nipples went to France."

I laughed so hard I could barely breathe, much less hiccup.

... course they're back now...

Elizabeth said...

R U an RN too?
O R U?
Cool!

Heal thy self!

You need a drug called apo-diaphramatic-cessation-apine. Take two and call me in the morning!

Vivi Alden said...

OMG, that scene in Bruce Almighty makes me laugh so hard my stomach hurts!! "I do the cha-cha like a sissy girl. I lika do da cha-cha."

Hey, maybe you should try drinking one/many pints of Guinness...

Rayslady said...

i know what we--oh, i mean you could do. i'll have to show you how though. are you free friday night?

Tracey said...

Uh, sorry no advice, except maybe you and Mrs. V should get a room!

Big Plain V said...

Elizabeth - I are a Surgical Technologist. And I'm fresh out of ana-prapa-cesspool-pinetree.

Vivi - Guinness is definately on my agenda. Cuz guess what? Thirty-eight hours later and I still got 'em.

Rayslady - Um, I'm a little scared... what are you gonna do to me?

Tracey - (we don't need a room - we own a house)-(parentheses denote whispering)

brain_bliss said...

I technically fall into the non-biscuit category. And I feel like this needs to be said: if you have to pick one thing to do, make sure it's the right one. And I think we both know what I mean. (in case we don't, of course I'm talking about telling Carrie you lost her stuff or deleted the e-mail)


And dude, stop complaining and read this:

Back in 1922 Charles Osborne of Iowa must have done just that, because he got a case of the hiccups. Actually his hiccups started while he was weighing a hog.

This was no ordinary case, it was a world record hiccup fit, it lasted 68 years up until they mysteriously stopped in 1990, hiccupping an estimated 430 million times. He died 1 year after his hiccups stopped.

In the early years Charles Osborne hiccupped up to 40 times a minute, which in the later years slowed to 20 times.

Charles Osborne, however, did manage a somewhat ordinary life, he was married twice and had 8 children.


Gosh, there are some really funny/sad/no, funny things in that little blurb...

Big Plain V said...

Gosh, Bryan, you sure know how to cheer a guy up.

Rayslady said...

BP, don't worry i know what i am doing because when i was 11 or 12 yrs, i found my dad's instructional video. I think the instructor's name was Bambi or maybe Debbie--whatever. the outfit she was wearing made me think she might have been from Dallas. she did lots of demonstrations and the volunteers did not hiccup afterward.

VeeFlower said...

If it were me I think I would go for the movie/Guiness/temple rub/Rayslady route and see if some super relaxation will help. Don't worry, they will stop.

shortensweet said...

OMG - this is some funny stuff. After you left Sunday, your daughter and i were laughing so hard, we both got those little lingering alone hiccups.

we did feel bad for you.

really, if you still have them, you should probably consult someone (other than yourself or wife) in the medical field.

Poor....hic....brother.

Frank Baron said...

Jeepers, that sucks. I hope they're gone now. I'm afraid I don't know of any sure-fire cure but this works for me: I focus on stopping the next one. Just the next one. And if you can manage that - you'll have stopped them all.

Good luck.

Big Plain V said...

AIN'T MY WIFE HOT?

So I still had hiccups this morning, but now I am having a reprieve. Dear God, please let them be gone.

Vee - And she's back on the interweb! How about a big round of applause for Veeflower! (did you follow my post where we all commented on your perfusionist's blog?)

And Shorty - I just knew it. You guys were trying to make me look stupid. Tell me, how long did your hiccups last? Ten minutes? Fifteen? Most have been a very horrible experience for the two of you.

Rayslady - You my girl. I'll do whatever you want me to do.

HUBBYMAN said...

I HAVEN'T HEARD YOU USE THE "BISCUIT" BIT SINCE YOUR THROAT SURGERY BACK IN THE 90S. WHAT WAS THAT YOUR "BEST" FRIEND SAID ABOUT THAT SCAR...???
--- HUBBYMAN

K. M. Walton said...

BPV I hope you're not still hiccupping but if by some act of evil you are...has anyone tried scaring the crap out of you yet? I'm talking a 'scream like a nut' scaring.

Big Plain V said...

Yeah. I'm still good. I figure if I can stave them off until I get to bed tonight, I'm free.

Thanks for your concern, cuz you know, as funny as it kind of is -- it was also a nightmare.

Pink Ink said...

*Hiccups at the Hospital*

What a funny image. Well, maybe not for the patient.

Sounds like a title for a tongue-in-cheek horror novel. The protagonist goes around trying to get rid of his hiccups while his co-workers try to scare him...

Bryan B. said...

I asked my wife about this, because she's a nurse and all. I asked her feelings on you hiccuping for so long, and she busted out some technical medical terms, so you might not understand it. She said:


"Wow, that sucks."

And that's why she makes, like, three times what I make, friend - knowledge.

Big Plain V said...

Pink - I get the feeling I'm about to read some such story.

Bryan - So it's finally happened. We have enticed you to the dark side of the force. Welcome to Blogger. Love the profile pic, buddy.

Madison said...

Oh man, I couldn't work in surgery and I'm so glad that there are those who can! Glad you have the 'guts'. Sorry, couldn't resist! :-)

Sarah J Clark said...

Bagels. Bagels always give me hiccups. And pancakes. Bizarre, huh?

Have someone scare you. Literally. Like jump out from behind a door or something. That usually works.

Try it. You'll see!