Wednesday, November 19, 2008

How I spent my day

So here' this funny little thing... Blog Friends, meet Porcine Heart Valve... Porcine Heart Valve meet Blog Friends.

Now Blog Friends, I know that you're all decent and reasonable folk, and you would never judge someone based on appearance alone, but having said that, I realize that Mr. Heart Valve here isn't much of a looker. In fact, he sort of resembles a crude football tee wearing a dress made out of a tube sock.

Nossir... looks are not the issue at hand.

To be honest, I have, orchestrated this entire situation (the seemingly random and unexpected, i.e. 'chance', meeting) for the sole purpose of spending as much time, and using as many words, as is humanly possible, to simply say this: my mother had open-heart surgery today. And now. I languish in the waiting room while she sleeps. And I am bored. So I am typing these excessive strings of bull-pucky to amuse myself.

Whoops. Should probably mention that everything went very very smooth with the surgery. My mom's doing super. In fact, last time I was in her room, she was expressing her displeasure at sporting a breathing tube by attempting to gouge passing nurses with her toe-nails. Fortunately casualties were minimal.

For those of you who don't know, my mother is Veeflower, the woman who likes to get into my comment section and spread lies about me being some sort of saint, and thereby ruining my street cred. Another thing you may not realize is that potential purchasers of robot servants are charged according to a sliding scale. And yup, you guessed it - it's all based on street cred. So because this woman persists in saying such nice things about me all the time, I will soon be paying top dollar to staff my writer's fortress. I'll have barely enough treasure leftover to purchase the necessary stores of Guinness.

And what kind of fool builds a castle without a Guinness cellar?

One last thing: Thanks to Ms Carrie Harris, I found myself, at long last, sucked into the whole Facebook phenomena. I spent a good part of my down time here in the waiting room fiddling with the thing, seeking out new worlds and new life forms. So if you're a Facebook participant, and I haven't yet discovered you, leave your ID in the comments and I'll make you my friend. Unless you don't want to be. In which case, you might express that instead, preferably with insults and obsceneties -- so that I know how you really feel about me.

15 comments:

K. M. Walton said...

So glad your mom is doing well - its hard when parents are down for the count isn't it?

Facebook is 100% addiciting. I actually wrote a post about it a few months back. Beware, its a time-sucker-upper.

I'll request to be your friend via facebook...

Vivi Alden said...

I'm so glad you're mom is doing well, BPV! Yikes, that can be scary. But it sounds like she's bouncing right back (I hear toenail gouging is a good sign!)

I just signed up with Facebook a few weeks ago myself. I like it, but I'm still a little confused with it. It's a lot different from MySpace (which I can no longer use because all the fancy flash makes my computer have a panic attack).

Tracey said...

Actually I wasn't thinking Mr. Porcine Heart Valve looked like a crude football tee ...

I hope your mother has a speedy recovery.

I sent you a FB friend request.

Elizabeth said...

What a worry when parent's fall ill. I am so glad to read that your mother is doing well after surgery.
Facebook is like crack for the first little while, then it starts to loose it's luster, but I'm still on there. I just feel it's like highschool. How many friends do you have? Etc.
Ok gotta go do some Facebooking now.

Big Plain V said...

KM - Not another time-sucker-upper... just when I thought I was finally out of my sudoku mania.

Vivi - Myspace I've managed to avoid. Way too flashy and trashy. It sounds like your computer is trying to protect you.

Tracey - You do realize that your comments rhymed, don't you? Why didn't you tell us you were poet on top of everything else.

Big Plain V said...

Elizabeth - Like high school? I guess your right, because it sounds like everyone's been hanging out there forever except for me. How come nobody will ever tell me where the party is?

After The Blackbird Sings said...

Breathing tubes are unpleasant things I'm told. Everyone tears them off.

If you need to boost your street cred, you either need to be arrested or increase the size of your posse. You could always refurbish defeated Transformers to save some money.

After The Blackbird Sings said...

BTW, I don't even remember my Facebook password, so your invitation is useless.

Carrie Harris said...

Mwhahahahahaha!

Er... I hope your mom feels better and stops attacking people with her toenails. And mwhahahaha!

bunnyjo georg said...

I KNEW IT!! I knew you were doing something else when I was talking to you on the phone. Was he watching TV, I was asking myself. Is he reading the paper? Or is he just supremely bored with our conversation? Really, BPV, facebooking - facebooking!?!? - while on the phone with your favorite sister? I wouldn't have expected such callous treatment from such a sweet-n-sensitive guy. Perhaps you did it so I would complain about it on your blog and thus boost your street cred and thereby drive the cost down of the purchase cost of your castle-drones? Well, actually....having a blog is like a minus 250 on the ol' street cred scale, bud. Sorry to say.

Big Plain V said...

Blackbird - I love your refurbished transformers idea. Of course, transformers tend to be a little cheeky, but there's probably a switch or something.

Carrie - I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told the guy that showed me how to solve sudoku - you just ruined my life.

Bunny - I wasn't distracted, I swear. In fact, I was riveted to our conversation. You wound me.

Hey, do you think I could reduce my blog anti-cred penalty if I put a big, shiny dollar-sign graphic in my header?

Pink Ink said...

BPV, this is one quirky post. :-)

Glad to hear your mom is doing well. Hope she recovers quickly so she can keep you on the straight and narrow. We can't do her job as well, ya know.

I hear Facebook calling me and I'm putting my fingers in my ears and saying, "I can't hear you..."

Madison said...

I'm glad to hear that your mom's fine. Wow. That can be REALLY scary!

Big Plain V said...

Pink - as big as your blog has become, you'd do well to stay away from Facebook. You will have no time left.

Madison - Thank you very much.

Timothy said...

Yes; Ray Facebook is very addicting especially the Facebook Wrestler application where you can create your own wrestler it can be male or female. My wrestler's name is Christ Follower who tries to emulate the Christian Lifestyle and his goal is to tell others about Jesus Christ in a non-threatning way; I have met other Christian Believer's on this application and those who do not believe in Christianity or a relationship with Christ I do not push my belief's down their throats. There is respect at all times whether each person's wrestler faces each other in the FaceBook Wrestling Ring or the friends that I have made; we always show each other the proper respect and integrity and honor to one another it does not matter if they are male or female.