Thursday, January 8, 2009

Twi-lame

I really shouldn't be blogging, so I'm gonna keep this short.

I just finished reading Twilight, and I felt the strong, STRONG urge to share my thoughts on it.

I shall do so in the form of a pie chart, which graphically represents my summation of the overall plot.


Feel free to disagree with me, because I'm not the world's biggest literary critique guy, but I think this book would only appeal to people who enjoy reading about dreamy guys. It is not a love story, it is not a vampire story, it is not really any kind of story at all. It is a really long description of how hot Edward was supposed to be.

Unfortunately, none of it did anything for me. So I am officially dubbing this book 'most over-rated drivel ever'. (Cuz Twilight-related titles hold 14 of the top 15 spots on Amazon's 'best sellers for teens' list)

21 comments:

Mary Paddock said...

LOL. I haven't read the book or seen the movie yet. My mom (who saw the movie) assured me that I haven't missed anything. "It's about vampires," she said. "It kind of loses credibility right there."
On the other hand, my teenage sister thinks it's wonderful. 'Probably the dreamy factor.

Serena Woods said...

Okay, here's the deal.

The sexual tension is what makes this appealing. The underlying message of abstinence is appreciated. Especially when my 12 year old reads it like her life depended on it. Author to author?? (dare I say??) I could have done that. Whatever.

You can't judge the movie, it didn't have a sufficient budget. Besides, the book fans are collectively disappointed. My advice? Don't watch the movie first, it ruins the book and if the book is the best part, well then....

Big Plain V said...

That would explain why my fifteen year old daughter is so into it too.

But being 'urban fantasy', you'd expect it have some surprising twists, some dark secrets, maybe more than one suspenseful scene.

There was one section that was more than sixty pages of continuous dialogue between Edward and Bella: at home, at school, at lunch, in the car, at school the next day -- nothing but droning, persistant, supposedly 'dangerous' banter.

I literally yelled at the book, "She likes him! We get it! Move on!"

After The Blackbird Sings said...

I've never read the book because it wasn't written for me. It was written for adolescent girls. Adolescents are emotionally underdeveloped. The fact that our culture worships adolescence...I don't even want to go there.

K. M. Walton said...

Read all four after my 6th grade students kept coming in with 'the apple' book. Liked the first 3 and didn't like the last. For adolescent girls it is a fantasy - something they haven't yet experienced...falling in love for the first time. I daresay it is a 'girl' book. However, adolescent human beings all fall in love at some point, believe me, I teach them.

And...to Blackbird...don't you remember being a middle schooler? Being emotionally underdeveloped is part of growing up - they haven't lived enough life yet to have mature emotions - that and the fact that hormones kick in, causing insane turmoil. Just thought I'd remind you.

I'm off to teach...

DebraLSchubert said...

Ray, I think you've got another job waiting in the wings! Your critique technigue (I like the way that rhymes) is positively brilliant! I haven't seen the movie or read the book. No desire whatsoever. Vampires bore me even more than Tom and Katie and Suri.

Vivi Alden said...

I read exactly two pages of the book and put it down, and the movie trailers made me absolutely cringe. Couldn't get over Cedric Diggory as Edward and that girl's acting seemed a bit flat. Plus, I fully remember being 13 and have absolutely no desire to go back there.

Sarah J Clark said...

Haven't read it. Not my really my kinda book. I also haven't read any of the Harry Potter Books.

Stone me now.

Elizabeth said...

Wow, a pie chart Ray?
Impressive.
As I say, I tried to read the book many times and was never able to get into it, though I do like some YA. I did see the movie though and it was what it was, I had zero expectations, so I was not disapointed.

Pink Ink said...

I read Twilight before the hoopla, and I enjoyed it then. I don't remember thinking that scenes dragged too much. But then, I like romantic suspense and horror, so the book was a good hybrid for me.

A plot flaw I had to ignore was, if Edward was cold as ice, why would any girl want to hug him??

I enjoyed the movie (though I resisted seeing it) because it was cool to see it come alive on the screen. A good mother-daughter bonding moment, too, with my 13 year old. Edward was more a hoot than hottie, so I didn't hate him too much.

Carrie Harris said...

I love that pie chart. The world needs more pie charts, I think.

Amy Ellis said...

Your pie chart is TOTALLY accurate. I loved Twilight because Edward was dreamy. That's about it. Bella was ridiculously Mary Sue and only get worse in the subsequent books.

Plus there's like hot werewolf boys in it.

NONE of which (dreaminess or hotness) was translated to the movie, which I still refuse to see.

"Remember Cedric Diggory!"

So I would have been concerned about you if you'd liked it.

Weston Elliott said...

Boy, V, I think you nailed it straight on! See, I knew there was a reason I like you!

Madison said...

Not being a vampire fan, I have no desire to read or see 'Twilight' though I wish Stephnie Meyer continued success. :)

Big Plain V said...

Blackbird - Teen fiction is my favorite. Especially urban fantasy, so, this book SHOULD have been right up my alley.

KM - You're describing my fifteen year old daughter perfectly. AND the love of her life.

Debra - Ironically, I was totally into vampires when I was a teenager. Now, meh...

Vivi - I actually liked the first two pages. It was pagee 3 through 500 that I hated. I wouldn't have read the entire book if the first two pages had been more representative of the rest of the story.

Sarah - You're a classy person, you know that?

Elizabeth - Yeah. It was what it was. Maybe I shouldn't have expected an actual story.

Pink - So you really didn't notice a lack of a plot? Unless you count each new place she runs into Edward, nothing really happens until the book is 75% over.

Carrie - I'd love to do a personalized pie chart for you some time. Maybe something having to do with Zombies and Batman's eyebrows. You could put in your sidebar and everything.

Amy - My wife didn't like it either, so I guess that means I'm hotter than Edward.

Wenston - Well. I like you too.

Madison - Well said. Your professionalism shames the rest us.

Bryan B. said...

I got really tired of how many times Edward's eyes smoldered. I got tired of all the adverbs.

But, the only thing I really couldn't stand?

At the end of the book when Bella's heart literally stops beating when Edward kisses her.

Give me a break.

VeeFlower said...

Remember all the horrified people who were ready to stone the author of the Harry Potter books for corrupting their children? It sounds to me like he is a baby compared to the smoldering Edward....at least Rowlings had some interesting plot lines and characters. Haven't seen or read Twilight, now I sure won't. I guess it's too much to ask of adolescents that they have some discernment when it comes to literature.

Danielle said...

I finally read Twilight, after two friends spent weeks telling me that I had to. I was stuck in the Chicago airport for 7 hours with nothing else to do.

It made me feel like I was 15 again, but not in a good way. There was just too much angst going on, and I'm (hopefully) past that now. I kept wanting to smack Bella.

That said, I can definitely see the appeal it would hold for a 15-year-old girl.

bunnyjo georg said...

Grace's take on the movie: She LOVED it because it had the cutest guy in the WHOLE WORLD. Nuff said.

LauraBlue said...

I'm resisting the urge to do a Twilight rant. I doubt there's even room in the comments box for how much I disliked it and why. I honestly don't see how the woman got an agent to read her full manuscript let alone got the thing published. But, you know, the hype machine starts working and suddenly everyone and their mama must read and love such and such or risk being out of the loop and uncool.

Sheri said...

I loved the books and the movie. I suppose you just don't get it because you were never a teenage girl. Try going about it from that perspective, the target audience is teenagers and women. Obviously she did something right by how well the books and the movie are doing.