tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507032778164380887.post2022682862222463204..comments2023-10-21T05:22:29.815-04:00Comments on Ray Veen: word-slinger: Big Plain V's first writing postRay Veenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11956279552298172157noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507032778164380887.post-988590079239791452008-11-11T03:46:00.000-05:002008-11-11T03:46:00.000-05:00Well said.Well said.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507032778164380887.post-11435649776324069662008-02-18T11:25:00.000-05:002008-02-18T11:25:00.000-05:00DRAGONBUSTER!The whole 'Andrew' thing threw me off...DRAGONBUSTER!<BR/><BR/>The whole 'Andrew' thing threw me off, but I haven't forgotten you. Drop me an email and tell me how things are going jobwise and writing-wise and woman-wise.<BR/><BR/>Very nice to hear from you sir, and thank-you for patronizing the Big Plain V.Big Plain Vhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12299253344634152655noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507032778164380887.post-42402977106155577072008-02-16T06:41:00.000-05:002008-02-16T06:41:00.000-05:00Glad to see that you're writing's improved so much...Glad to see that you're writing's improved so much on that draft of Elfhaime - just look at the amazing differences! The clarity and descriptive quality (and even the grammar!) is so much clearer and more distinctive in the fifth draft compared to the second...it's almost an entirely different piece of work!<BR/><BR/>Btw, I haven't heard from you since the beginning of December. Shun me, did you? ;)<BR/><BR/>Drop me a line...if you can remember who I am and recognize me. ;) (Give you a hint: NaNo, meetings, and got stuck at your house because of the ice storm ;)<BR/><BR/>~Andrew A.<BR/><BR/>P.s. - I'm signing my name at the end of this as an addendum, because your blogger apparently doesn't let me publish the comment as anything except "anonymous". Go figure.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507032778164380887.post-79268725367642918272008-02-13T07:52:00.000-05:002008-02-13T07:52:00.000-05:00Oh, nice profile pic, by the way. I might steal it...Oh, nice profile pic, by the way. I might steal it for myself. Ain't it grand to be skinny?! I wish...bunnyjo georghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04985855536930097791noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507032778164380887.post-46648117737971501512008-02-13T07:46:00.000-05:002008-02-13T07:46:00.000-05:00The descriptions in the second draft were hard to ...The descriptions in the second draft were hard to follow; basically too many descriptions following upon detailed descriptions. What you did right in the fifth draft is give the reader a chance to reflect on (almost) each description which gives them time to both create the mental image and then conjure up how they feel about it before moving on to the next description.<BR/><BR/>By the way, I very much enjoyed the first couple chapters of Eflhomme, of which I am assuming this is an excerpt. I got sidetracked with the books I bought with the gift cards you gave me for B&N, sorry! But I just ran across Elfhomme again yesterday and was like, yay! So I'm getting back into it and already look forward to reading the new drafts!bunnyjo georghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04985855536930097791noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507032778164380887.post-5068795021515697922008-02-13T03:11:00.000-05:002008-02-13T03:11:00.000-05:00I much prefer the 5th draft. It is more succinct, ...I much prefer the 5th draft. It is more succinct, I get a more clear picture of what the town is like. And the description of the rotting and mildew REALLY conveys a feeling of ewwwwwwwwwwwww...is the girl (or the whole town!) going to fall!? It makes you want to read more.VeeFlowerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08181530007440123152noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507032778164380887.post-8857458352352310932008-02-13T03:10:00.000-05:002008-02-13T03:10:00.000-05:00I much prefer the 5th draft. It is more succinct, ...I much prefer the 5th draft. It is more succinct, I get a more clear picture of what the town is like. And the description of the rotting and mildew REALLY conveys a feeling of ewwwwwwwwwwwww...is the girl (or the whole town!) going to fall!? It makes you want to read more.VeeFlowerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08181530007440123152noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507032778164380887.post-17956979946187142342008-02-12T17:15:00.000-05:002008-02-12T17:15:00.000-05:00Excellent instincts, Roo, this is indeed a descrip...Excellent instincts, Roo, this is indeed a descriptive passage. One thing I've been criticized for is having some sort of hazy barrier between the reader and the objects I'm describing. One of my major goals has been to make my description more tactile and immediate, which I think I'm improving at thanks to Jamie's comment.<BR/><BR/>And yes, the town is being described from the perspective of an alley.Big Plain Vhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12299253344634152655noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507032778164380887.post-47970026703075517072008-02-11T19:50:00.000-05:002008-02-11T19:50:00.000-05:00I don't think the alley was a town. I think the to...I don't think the alley was a town. I think the town was being described from the alley out as it were. <BR/><BR/>I like the writing style better in the 5th draft. It made a better mental image. <BR/><BR/>I'll read the rest of it when I get a signed first edition :)shortensweethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00448869785919136047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507032778164380887.post-4902054065224982432008-02-11T18:51:00.000-05:002008-02-11T18:51:00.000-05:00there was a vast difference between 2nd draft ans ...there was a vast difference between 2nd draft ans the 5th. I have to say it is still a bit disciptive for my taste. I was a bit confused about the alley being a town????Roohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15696248871759077808noreply@blogger.com